It is 3 o clock in the morning. I have to be up at 10 to go tutor a kid in Niwot. I cannot sleep. Something is going on here that I am not a fan of. I am on my 3rd cigarette of the night, which by my standards, when I'm not drinking, is incredibly excessive. Usually I'm lucky if that is a couple of days' allotment. And yet here I sit. Nothing in my head, but nothing better to do other than sit here and vent about whatever pops into that cavernous waste of a cranium of mine.
I miss New York. I miss my friends there. I miss Allison a lot. She's coming out here in less than a week, so that makes me a happy panda. Lately, though, it has felt like there is absolutely nothing here for me. After all, there's really something to be said when your highlight of being home doesn't even involve the people there. I hate being at home, where the novelty of seeing my family has become a drag rather than something to be happy about. I left this place last summer and I really feel like I left it, so much that coming back here seems almost like a punishment. I have friends who I see every now and again, but the fact that most of them are employed and I am not any longer makes hanging out with them when I really need it the most very difficult. So I watch a lot of movies, play video games, and contemplate making an advent calendar of colorful paper rings so that I can tear one off every day that I am closer to abandoning this god-forsaken wasteland. Hell, even the theater I worked at for 10 years isn't fun anymore because I have approximately one friend who still does shows there.
Sounds of the Underground is in a few days, so that at least is something to look forward to. I only got to see about 10 minutes of Every Time I Die when they played warped last year and I look forward to a full set from them. The other bands on the bill should be awesome too. I've seen all the other headliners (GWAR, Chimaira, and Shadows Fall) at least once (in the case of Chimaira, 4 times) and the lesser knowns like Heavy Heavy Low Low and Job For A Cowboy should prove to be entertaining. So the real question is how do I occupy myself until then? This is the first summer vacation in the history of my schooling that I have been wanting time to speed up so that school can start again. Weeks like this make me understand how people turn to drugs and alcoholism. Seriously, what the hell else is there to do?
Wow, I've gone back to read some of this. If there wasn't that handy picture of me in the top right corner, people might think I was a 15 year old girl. I guess this is what they would call an "emo moment", but fuck it, everyone needs to vent and it's been a while since I've done it in writing. It's my blog after all, I can post whatever the fuck I want. I took a couple of antihistamines about 15 minutes ago, so now I'm just killing time until the drowsiness of over the counter goodness ends this funk. I'm scrambling for something entertaining to write about so that this post isn't an epic waste of time to anyone who reads it, but so help me nothing's coming up. Usually when I'm in moods like this I play guitar, but it's 3:30 AM and my good headphones (ie, the ones that have the right sized jack to will plug into my amp) are in a storage facility roughly 2000 miles away because I didn't have room in any of the 3 suitcases I brought home for them.
Fuck it, if this goes on any longer I will actually turn into a 15 year old girl. 22 more days until I'm free.
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3 comments:
It'll get better. I'm sorry you can't sleep, we all have nights like that, and I'm sure my emotastic moments probably aren't helping.
It will get better. You'll be out of there soon.
job for a comboy, based on the live reviews i've seen, are impressive. on a side note, i want to go back to nyc now. i'm beginning to hate my family.
I know what you mean about feeling like you've *left* it already. Coming back "home" is just...strange. I even slipped the other day with my mom when talking about packing, and said something like "Well it's only two weeks until I go home." Luckily she either didn't hear me or chose to ignore, maybe even silently agree with, the comment I was afraid would start her on another one of her tearful "But you are home!" speeches.
I was at lunch with a friend yesterday (a New York friend, actually, the one with the apartment uptown; she's only in town visiting her family for a week). While at lunch I commented what a waste this summer has been. My dad wanted me to stay home and work and said since we have airline perks I could just fly into the city every weekend for a voice lesson. Needless to say that plan failed miserably. We go back in two weeks, and I've had all of ONE lesson all summer. It goes without saying (but I'm going to say it anyway), that is absolutely unacceptable. Next summer I'll just get a job in the city; there is no way I'm going "home."
Hmm long comment. Obviously I've missed you. If my cell phone was in working order I'd have just called, but as Allison may have mentioned, Sprint hates me.
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