Or rather, you are about to be warned. Depending on what academic institution you attend, somebody may approach you someday and tell you about a great service called collegeboxes that will store your things for the summer at a reasonable price, then deliver them to your dorm when you move back in. Should you be approached with this offer, whatever you do, NEVER TAKE IT. It's like a game of three card monte. You can't possibly lose, right? Just find the queen! WRONG! Before you know it that dealer has taken your money and shanked you in the thigh with a filed down toothbrush. OK, I don't know how much that actually happens, but my point is this: Collegeboxes is shit.
I moved into my dorm on Sunday afternoon after getting into NY on Saturday. I picked up a set of sheets to use in my room and figured hey, whatever, collegeboxes is delivering my shit on Monday between 8:30 AM and 1 PM. I'll have a night of uncomfortable sleep, but it saves me both money and space. So I slept on a sheet with a wad of sweatshirts stuffed in a pillowcase upon which I could rest my head. REALLY not comfortable because i have no climate control in my room that I know of, so the AC is always running. Great when it's hot as balls out, not so much when you're sleeping fully clothed covered in a sheet. Anyway, Monday rolls around and motherfuckers haven't come. I woke up at 12:30 in the afternoon and it seemed somewhat odd that they hadn't come yet. Upon checking my email, I saw that they were running a couple hours late and apologized for any inconvenience. Whatever, I say, I'm not sleeping for at least 12 hours and I can just shower whenever they get here (all of my towels are in storage too). I have no roommates yet who I can offend with my odors.
Well, about two hours later, motherfuckers call me and tell me that my boxes will come at the same time tomorrow. I am pissed off. My friend Louisa and I went into storage together, so her shit is AWOL right now too. Her mom calls them to see if there's anything we can do. Her english isn't great though, so I figure that since it's my storage account, I may have better luck. Apart from telling me that "the truck couldn't make it out", I can't get an answer out of these jackasses as to why my shit isn't here. I kindly let them know how much they're fucking me and if I die of a skin borne parasite that I can't wash off that i got from sleeping on my 10$ k-mart sheet, it's their asses. They tell me they are refunding my account 10% for the inconvenience. That's 45$. Oh fucking boy. Between LuLu and I, that's 22.50 apiece! I could buy a small bottle of scotch to drink away the rage from NOT HAVING MY SHIT. Anyway, It is presently 1:20 PM on Tuesday and still no sign of them. I want to leave and buy books and guitar picks, but I have to stay in the dorm until I hear from these people. Fuck.
*An Addendum*
Here is a copy of the email I wrote these clowns.
Your alleged "service" has caused me nothing but trouble. I was fine sleeping on a sheet purchased at k-mart using a wad of sweatshirts as a pillow for the first two nights, but you have absolutely torn it for me. I will dedicate the rest of my academic year to ensuring that nobody I know ever uses your "services" again. I have been jerked around by your call centers for 3 days straight waiting for boxes that contain all the little things in my life. Bedding, towels, clothing, school books. You know, the little stuff. I have been forced to steal my roommate's towel in order to stay clean. Dirty clothes are piling up around my room because my bin is (you guessed it) with you incompetent buffoons. I have to wonder if you even bothered to store my items, or they are simply on a truck bound for New Jersey, pawned off to the lowest bidding mafioso. My wish list is as follows: 1) I want my boxes. Since I paid 450$ to have you pick up, store and deliver them, I feel like that's not asking a lot. 2) I want a 33% refund. This seems fair, as you assholes pulled off 2/3 of what I paid you to do. 3) I want everyone in your call center fired. Obviously you're paying them to do nothing given how helpful they've been. 4) Your warehouses should be burned to the ground so that you can't perpetrate this nonsense ever again. 5) Your founder should be shot. In the face. Repeatedly. I am livid and incensed at the fact that you feel like you have earned my money at all, or are still performing any kind of "service". Some day, I will look back on this with something other than blood boiling rage and have a good laugh. You know, when my things are in a real storage company, not a fucking circus sideshow where the monkeys seem to be in full control. I wish nothing but the worst upon all of you. Good day.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
If The Last Legion was in fact the LAST legion, it's still debatable as to whether or not I'd fuck it
Seriously, this movie was awful. God-fucking-awful. It was a seemingly endless parade of shitty characters, predictable plot developments, and bullshit. In case you're not familiar, the last legion is supposed to be a precursor to the Excalibur legend that coincides with the fall of Rome to the Visigoths. Let's meet our cast ladies and gentlemen!
*Steadfast and headstrong commander, loyal to duty, but with much to learn about people beyond the battlefield
*Soldier that everyone thinks is a man but turns out to be a hot chick. She teaches the steadfast and headstrong commander about people beyond the battlefield. You know, with her vagina.
*Young boy thrust into a position of power which at the time he is not ready for, but through his experiences becomes the leader he is supposed to be.
*Public official, who while no good on the battlefield, proved to be an able senator. Sells his friends out to those in power out of self interest.
*Sage and mysterious old man who couldn't POSSIBLY be an incredibly thinly veiled Merlin from the King Arthur stories. That would have been far too predictable and the writers would never insult their audience like tha... oh wait. If you're angry about spoilers here, don't worry, you would have figured it out in like 5 minutes if you're actually masochistic enough to attend this movie.
*Also there are the faceless soldiers who blindly follow our steadfast and headstrong leader as well as the boy he defends. One is young, one is kind of older, and one is black. Diversity? Check.
*Let's not forget the evil power hungry warlord who is apparently a major player in the backstory of "not-merlin", but who has about 5 minutes of combined screen time in 2 hours. Also, he wears a really fucking stupid mask the entire movie that is apparently bolted to his face or something.
*Also, there is a magic sword that was forged from a meteorite. Apparently, that makes it the best sword ever, so a lot of people want it.
Basically, imagine the fellowship of the ring combined with a steaming pile of dog shit (oh wait, that was redundant), replace elijah wood with a 12 year old boy (woops, there goes my redundancy again), make the fellowship a little less gay, but somehow even more 2 dimensional, throw in a moderately ok battle scene, and you have this walloping turd of a film.
In other news, I'm leaving Colorado in 3 more days. This is 3 days too many, but being in single digits is a big plus for yours truly. Get your Michael time in while you can!
*Steadfast and headstrong commander, loyal to duty, but with much to learn about people beyond the battlefield
*Soldier that everyone thinks is a man but turns out to be a hot chick. She teaches the steadfast and headstrong commander about people beyond the battlefield. You know, with her vagina.
*Young boy thrust into a position of power which at the time he is not ready for, but through his experiences becomes the leader he is supposed to be.
*Public official, who while no good on the battlefield, proved to be an able senator. Sells his friends out to those in power out of self interest.
*Sage and mysterious old man who couldn't POSSIBLY be an incredibly thinly veiled Merlin from the King Arthur stories. That would have been far too predictable and the writers would never insult their audience like tha... oh wait. If you're angry about spoilers here, don't worry, you would have figured it out in like 5 minutes if you're actually masochistic enough to attend this movie.
*Also there are the faceless soldiers who blindly follow our steadfast and headstrong leader as well as the boy he defends. One is young, one is kind of older, and one is black. Diversity? Check.
*Let's not forget the evil power hungry warlord who is apparently a major player in the backstory of "not-merlin", but who has about 5 minutes of combined screen time in 2 hours. Also, he wears a really fucking stupid mask the entire movie that is apparently bolted to his face or something.
*Also, there is a magic sword that was forged from a meteorite. Apparently, that makes it the best sword ever, so a lot of people want it.
Basically, imagine the fellowship of the ring combined with a steaming pile of dog shit (oh wait, that was redundant), replace elijah wood with a 12 year old boy (woops, there goes my redundancy again), make the fellowship a little less gay, but somehow even more 2 dimensional, throw in a moderately ok battle scene, and you have this walloping turd of a film.
In other news, I'm leaving Colorado in 3 more days. This is 3 days too many, but being in single digits is a big plus for yours truly. Get your Michael time in while you can!
Saturday, August 18, 2007
It's Official
Only 365 more days until I'm able to drink. I would say that 20 is the second most useless age after 19 to be. The one perk is that now I'm able to say "pffft...teenagers" at people who, while they might be my peers, did not have the privilege of their parents fucking as early as mine did. I guess something should feel different, but I have the sneaking suspicion that I am going to have to wait 365 more days until I feel that anything in my life has really changed. Still though, I get presents and a whole host of facebook wall posts to make me feel special for 24 hours, so that's something right there. Really, as an obsessive email checker, my birthday is the day that I will, 9 times out of 10, not be disappointed when I check to see if I have anything because of the glory that is the facebook birthday notification. Anyhoo, thank you all for your well wishing on this, the anniversary of my being more than a uterus borne parasite!
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Colorado Gets A Little Class For A Few Days
OK, so It seems that I've been updating horribly not a lot lately, and while I do partially regret it, part of me says fuck it, I've got an excuse. So I guess I'll just fill in the main happenings of the last few days. We'll start with the August 8th, which was Sounds of the Underground. I've mentioned it a few times before, and for the most part, it was a damnedably awesome time. A few things worth mentioning though: While staples like Chimaira, Every Time I Die, GWAR, and Darkest Hour were expectedly awesome, acts that should have been awesome such as Heavy Heavy Low Low and Job For A Cowboy kind of blew. A lot. Also, as awesome as The Number 12 Looks Like You was, the crowd at SOTU is not a jazz fusion/grindcore crowd and thusly, their set was not appreciated. Bunch of fucking heathens if you ask me.
Anyhoo, onto the real reason that I haven't gotten around to this in a damn long time. Allison came out here to visit my sad self the 9th thru the 14th. Given that I have been less than happy the entire time I've been out here, this was a MUCH needed reprieve from the monotony of Colorado life. You know, that and I might kind of like her just a little. Anyhoo, let's get right down to the visit:
Thursday 8/9: Allison's plane was supposed to arrive around 4:30 in the afternoon. Due to weather in Baltimore as well as the midwest, Allison does not arrive until after 7 PM. No one is happy about this development, but we each have a cigarette, head home, and get ready to crash. First, Allison gives me the birthday present she made me: A knit cap to match my tattoo! I love it and am a little sad that it's like 90 fucking degrees out because I can't show it off.
Friday 8/10: With Allison's pending visit, I realized how little there is to do in Colorado. So, with the question "how do we occupy 5 days with something other than illicit bedroom activities?" looming large, I decided to plan a trip to the zoo. Some friends of mine from high school accompanied us. We saw animals. They were in cages. That's about all there is to say. It was a fun time though. David, Andrea, Allison, and I then went to the cherry creek mall and just chilled with some starbucks. That night, Allison and I decided to break out a bottle of Rasberry Smirnoff I had acquired. Family Guy, while already a pretty genius show, is even more genius when you're hammered. We then snuck out to smoke, because being drunk without nicotine is like having a sandwich without lunch meat. You can do it, but why would you want to? Afterwards (overshare alert! you have been warned!) we had really epic sex for what was essentially an entire "Spoon" album. Have I mentioned how much I love alcohol sometimes? Needless to say, I had the best sleep I have had, arguably all summer.
Saturday 8/11: Knowing Allison's love of tea, I took her on the tour of the Celestial Seasonings tea factory. I picked up some tea you can only get at the factory that has almost as much caffeine per 8 oz. as a double shot of espresso. I then took Allison to Boulder to introduce her to the glory of Wahoos Fish Taco. We were going to peruse pearl street afterwards, but due to a hot sauce mishap, we just went home, then hung out with some of my high school friends in Longmont. August 10th was a somewhat special night, however, because it marks Allison's and my first real "date" (things like this are what happen when your relationship begins as a series of drunken hookups, you're together for 5 months total, dating for 3 of them, and it takes you that entire time to go on one date). Anyway, we perused the shops on Pear Street after getting tapas at The Med. Later that night we went to a party at Josh Wise's. These functions tend to be pretty epic and awesome, and for the first 3 or so hours, it totally was. Everyone was drinking and having a good time. So good a time that no one noticed how fucking trashed Ryan Orendorff was getting until he was practically unconscious on the trampoline. He then started yelling about how he needed a hospital, but he also kept insisting he needed to be intubated. Since that's what they do if you have a collapsed lung, I knew I was more sober and could be of help. Allison, Josh Lostroh, and I were the only ones who fucking did anything though, and after that Allison and I headed home because it was fucking exhausting. Unfortunately, Allison had had a bit much, so it was not straight to bed, but rather straight to the altar of the porcelain goddess. We waited it out though, and eventually got to sleep.
Sunday 8/12: Allison awoke on Sunday with the worst hangover I've born witness to in a good while. Bad enough that my mom instantly knew she was hungover when we came up. More vomiting came this morning, but eventually she felt good enough to go to the Jesters Dinner Theater performance of The Wizard of Oz (hey, if I could have taken her to a show that didn't blow, I would have, but it couldn't be helped). It was fun introducing her around, as I am something of a staple there, so I got to feel like a bit of a big shot. WOOT! Anyhoo, that night we decided to head out to the Simpsons Movie, as she hadn't seen it. This marked time #3 for me, but i didn't care because we had 2 free passes. That night, however, Allison's uber hangover made a lot more sense. See we hadn't been drinking at all Sunday night, yet somehow around midnight I wound up hurling anyway. So we're thinking that the epic hangover may have been part stomach bug as well.
Monday 8/13: Monday morning blew. I felt like shit and just kind of stumbled around the house. We were supposed to go boating with my sister and her boyfriend around horsetooth reservoir, but I felt like too much crap. I hear it rained up there anyway, so we wouldn't have been able to boat. Anyhoo, we just kind of hung around the house most of the day. Allison got to try buffalo burgers that night, which are always delicious. Got coffee with Joe and Liz Lembo that night, then just kind of chilled and went to sleep.
Tuesday 8/14: The day Allison left. boo... Anyway we got her stuff ready to go, got ice cream at Glacier with Steph and Will, and I took her to the airport and we had our goodbyes. Now lonely Michael is lonely again. shit.
Oh well, I go back to NY in 9 days, which is not nearly soon enough, but then I'll get to see everyone within two weeks of today.
Anyhoo, onto the real reason that I haven't gotten around to this in a damn long time. Allison came out here to visit my sad self the 9th thru the 14th. Given that I have been less than happy the entire time I've been out here, this was a MUCH needed reprieve from the monotony of Colorado life. You know, that and I might kind of like her just a little. Anyhoo, let's get right down to the visit:
Thursday 8/9: Allison's plane was supposed to arrive around 4:30 in the afternoon. Due to weather in Baltimore as well as the midwest, Allison does not arrive until after 7 PM. No one is happy about this development, but we each have a cigarette, head home, and get ready to crash. First, Allison gives me the birthday present she made me: A knit cap to match my tattoo! I love it and am a little sad that it's like 90 fucking degrees out because I can't show it off.
Friday 8/10: With Allison's pending visit, I realized how little there is to do in Colorado. So, with the question "how do we occupy 5 days with something other than illicit bedroom activities?" looming large, I decided to plan a trip to the zoo. Some friends of mine from high school accompanied us. We saw animals. They were in cages. That's about all there is to say. It was a fun time though. David, Andrea, Allison, and I then went to the cherry creek mall and just chilled with some starbucks. That night, Allison and I decided to break out a bottle of Rasberry Smirnoff I had acquired. Family Guy, while already a pretty genius show, is even more genius when you're hammered. We then snuck out to smoke, because being drunk without nicotine is like having a sandwich without lunch meat. You can do it, but why would you want to? Afterwards (overshare alert! you have been warned!) we had really epic sex for what was essentially an entire "Spoon" album. Have I mentioned how much I love alcohol sometimes? Needless to say, I had the best sleep I have had, arguably all summer.
Saturday 8/11: Knowing Allison's love of tea, I took her on the tour of the Celestial Seasonings tea factory. I picked up some tea you can only get at the factory that has almost as much caffeine per 8 oz. as a double shot of espresso. I then took Allison to Boulder to introduce her to the glory of Wahoos Fish Taco. We were going to peruse pearl street afterwards, but due to a hot sauce mishap, we just went home, then hung out with some of my high school friends in Longmont. August 10th was a somewhat special night, however, because it marks Allison's and my first real "date" (things like this are what happen when your relationship begins as a series of drunken hookups, you're together for 5 months total, dating for 3 of them, and it takes you that entire time to go on one date). Anyway, we perused the shops on Pear Street after getting tapas at The Med. Later that night we went to a party at Josh Wise's. These functions tend to be pretty epic and awesome, and for the first 3 or so hours, it totally was. Everyone was drinking and having a good time. So good a time that no one noticed how fucking trashed Ryan Orendorff was getting until he was practically unconscious on the trampoline. He then started yelling about how he needed a hospital, but he also kept insisting he needed to be intubated. Since that's what they do if you have a collapsed lung, I knew I was more sober and could be of help. Allison, Josh Lostroh, and I were the only ones who fucking did anything though, and after that Allison and I headed home because it was fucking exhausting. Unfortunately, Allison had had a bit much, so it was not straight to bed, but rather straight to the altar of the porcelain goddess. We waited it out though, and eventually got to sleep.
Sunday 8/12: Allison awoke on Sunday with the worst hangover I've born witness to in a good while. Bad enough that my mom instantly knew she was hungover when we came up. More vomiting came this morning, but eventually she felt good enough to go to the Jesters Dinner Theater performance of The Wizard of Oz (hey, if I could have taken her to a show that didn't blow, I would have, but it couldn't be helped). It was fun introducing her around, as I am something of a staple there, so I got to feel like a bit of a big shot. WOOT! Anyhoo, that night we decided to head out to the Simpsons Movie, as she hadn't seen it. This marked time #3 for me, but i didn't care because we had 2 free passes. That night, however, Allison's uber hangover made a lot more sense. See we hadn't been drinking at all Sunday night, yet somehow around midnight I wound up hurling anyway. So we're thinking that the epic hangover may have been part stomach bug as well.
Monday 8/13: Monday morning blew. I felt like shit and just kind of stumbled around the house. We were supposed to go boating with my sister and her boyfriend around horsetooth reservoir, but I felt like too much crap. I hear it rained up there anyway, so we wouldn't have been able to boat. Anyhoo, we just kind of hung around the house most of the day. Allison got to try buffalo burgers that night, which are always delicious. Got coffee with Joe and Liz Lembo that night, then just kind of chilled and went to sleep.
Tuesday 8/14: The day Allison left. boo... Anyway we got her stuff ready to go, got ice cream at Glacier with Steph and Will, and I took her to the airport and we had our goodbyes. Now lonely Michael is lonely again. shit.
Oh well, I go back to NY in 9 days, which is not nearly soon enough, but then I'll get to see everyone within two weeks of today.
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
SMB Does Naughty Things To My Man Parts
And no, I am not making a reference to "super mario brothers", although the congruity of the initials is not accidental. No, I am referring to the band "Screaming Mechanical Brain" (formerly "Screaming Monkey Boner", but they changed it because they wanted to attract label attention, which is a bit hard to do when you're named after a loud primate's phallus, or possibly an unusually quiet primate's SCREAMING phallus...). I saw these guys play the Iliff Park Saloon last night and they fucking blew me away. I really wish I had brought my camera, because they were moving around too much for my cell phone to take pictures that didn't just turn into colorful blurs. Instead I invite you to check out http://www.myspace.com/smb for a taste of their music as well as any pictures, as my descriptions will fall horribly short of their true glory. Imagine if Primus, System of a Down, and American Head Charge formed a supergroup that was occasionally joined by Mindless Self Indulgence and you have a good idea of the awesomeosity that is SMB.
The show really got me thinking though, these guys are touring out of a broken down van, playing to bars containing maybe 30 people, yet Cannibal Corpse is capable of selling out arenas. Really makes you think, don't it? There is no fucking justice sometimes. I keep talking about how I fear that metal is dying, and a good reason for that is that the bands that could help keep it alive and relevant no one has heard of.
Oh well, I'm heading to Sounds of the Underground tomorrow, so that should be a good time, then Allison comes in for a few days. Expect few, if any updates before 8/14, as I will be *ahem* indisposed. Excited Michael is exciiiited... Then it's just a couple weeks till I'm back in the city and all will be as it should.
The show really got me thinking though, these guys are touring out of a broken down van, playing to bars containing maybe 30 people, yet Cannibal Corpse is capable of selling out arenas. Really makes you think, don't it? There is no fucking justice sometimes. I keep talking about how I fear that metal is dying, and a good reason for that is that the bands that could help keep it alive and relevant no one has heard of.
Oh well, I'm heading to Sounds of the Underground tomorrow, so that should be a good time, then Allison comes in for a few days. Expect few, if any updates before 8/14, as I will be *ahem* indisposed. Excited Michael is exciiiited... Then it's just a couple weeks till I'm back in the city and all will be as it should.
Friday, August 3, 2007
Personal Studies in Sleep Deprivation
It is 3 o clock in the morning. I have to be up at 10 to go tutor a kid in Niwot. I cannot sleep. Something is going on here that I am not a fan of. I am on my 3rd cigarette of the night, which by my standards, when I'm not drinking, is incredibly excessive. Usually I'm lucky if that is a couple of days' allotment. And yet here I sit. Nothing in my head, but nothing better to do other than sit here and vent about whatever pops into that cavernous waste of a cranium of mine.
I miss New York. I miss my friends there. I miss Allison a lot. She's coming out here in less than a week, so that makes me a happy panda. Lately, though, it has felt like there is absolutely nothing here for me. After all, there's really something to be said when your highlight of being home doesn't even involve the people there. I hate being at home, where the novelty of seeing my family has become a drag rather than something to be happy about. I left this place last summer and I really feel like I left it, so much that coming back here seems almost like a punishment. I have friends who I see every now and again, but the fact that most of them are employed and I am not any longer makes hanging out with them when I really need it the most very difficult. So I watch a lot of movies, play video games, and contemplate making an advent calendar of colorful paper rings so that I can tear one off every day that I am closer to abandoning this god-forsaken wasteland. Hell, even the theater I worked at for 10 years isn't fun anymore because I have approximately one friend who still does shows there.
Sounds of the Underground is in a few days, so that at least is something to look forward to. I only got to see about 10 minutes of Every Time I Die when they played warped last year and I look forward to a full set from them. The other bands on the bill should be awesome too. I've seen all the other headliners (GWAR, Chimaira, and Shadows Fall) at least once (in the case of Chimaira, 4 times) and the lesser knowns like Heavy Heavy Low Low and Job For A Cowboy should prove to be entertaining. So the real question is how do I occupy myself until then? This is the first summer vacation in the history of my schooling that I have been wanting time to speed up so that school can start again. Weeks like this make me understand how people turn to drugs and alcoholism. Seriously, what the hell else is there to do?
Wow, I've gone back to read some of this. If there wasn't that handy picture of me in the top right corner, people might think I was a 15 year old girl. I guess this is what they would call an "emo moment", but fuck it, everyone needs to vent and it's been a while since I've done it in writing. It's my blog after all, I can post whatever the fuck I want. I took a couple of antihistamines about 15 minutes ago, so now I'm just killing time until the drowsiness of over the counter goodness ends this funk. I'm scrambling for something entertaining to write about so that this post isn't an epic waste of time to anyone who reads it, but so help me nothing's coming up. Usually when I'm in moods like this I play guitar, but it's 3:30 AM and my good headphones (ie, the ones that have the right sized jack to will plug into my amp) are in a storage facility roughly 2000 miles away because I didn't have room in any of the 3 suitcases I brought home for them.
Fuck it, if this goes on any longer I will actually turn into a 15 year old girl. 22 more days until I'm free.
I miss New York. I miss my friends there. I miss Allison a lot. She's coming out here in less than a week, so that makes me a happy panda. Lately, though, it has felt like there is absolutely nothing here for me. After all, there's really something to be said when your highlight of being home doesn't even involve the people there. I hate being at home, where the novelty of seeing my family has become a drag rather than something to be happy about. I left this place last summer and I really feel like I left it, so much that coming back here seems almost like a punishment. I have friends who I see every now and again, but the fact that most of them are employed and I am not any longer makes hanging out with them when I really need it the most very difficult. So I watch a lot of movies, play video games, and contemplate making an advent calendar of colorful paper rings so that I can tear one off every day that I am closer to abandoning this god-forsaken wasteland. Hell, even the theater I worked at for 10 years isn't fun anymore because I have approximately one friend who still does shows there.
Sounds of the Underground is in a few days, so that at least is something to look forward to. I only got to see about 10 minutes of Every Time I Die when they played warped last year and I look forward to a full set from them. The other bands on the bill should be awesome too. I've seen all the other headliners (GWAR, Chimaira, and Shadows Fall) at least once (in the case of Chimaira, 4 times) and the lesser knowns like Heavy Heavy Low Low and Job For A Cowboy should prove to be entertaining. So the real question is how do I occupy myself until then? This is the first summer vacation in the history of my schooling that I have been wanting time to speed up so that school can start again. Weeks like this make me understand how people turn to drugs and alcoholism. Seriously, what the hell else is there to do?
Wow, I've gone back to read some of this. If there wasn't that handy picture of me in the top right corner, people might think I was a 15 year old girl. I guess this is what they would call an "emo moment", but fuck it, everyone needs to vent and it's been a while since I've done it in writing. It's my blog after all, I can post whatever the fuck I want. I took a couple of antihistamines about 15 minutes ago, so now I'm just killing time until the drowsiness of over the counter goodness ends this funk. I'm scrambling for something entertaining to write about so that this post isn't an epic waste of time to anyone who reads it, but so help me nothing's coming up. Usually when I'm in moods like this I play guitar, but it's 3:30 AM and my good headphones (ie, the ones that have the right sized jack to will plug into my amp) are in a storage facility roughly 2000 miles away because I didn't have room in any of the 3 suitcases I brought home for them.
Fuck it, if this goes on any longer I will actually turn into a 15 year old girl. 22 more days until I'm free.
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
"Untitled" - FTW?
So you know who the world hasn't heard much from lately? Korn. I mean, last anyone really checked, all that was new was that Jon Davis recovered from some kind of debilitating blood disorder. Then they dropped off the face of the earth. That was why I was so surprised to find out on Tuesday that they just released a new album. I have been relatively pleased with Korn's latest efforts. Not thrilled, but at the same time I didn't resent having spent money on them. Anyway, I had just gotten paid and figured given that I've pirated what probably amounts several hundred if not a thousand or so dollars worth of music this summer, maybe I'll throw the RIAA a bone and actually buy it, sound unheard (get it? like sight unseen, but for MUSIC).
What is interesting to note is that, while Korn made it to 2005 without any lineup changes, since then they have lost a guitarist and much more recently their drummer. I hadn't heard about David Silveria leaving until after I bought the album, but it's true. Korn is essentially a three piece right now consisting of Jon, Fieldy, and Munky. Percussion on their latest album (cleverly titled Untitled) is handled by Jon Davis himself, a techno-ish trio called The Matrix, and perhaps most surprisingly, Brooks Wackerman from the one and only Bad Religion. So with all of these dynamic shifts, what pray tell has happened to Korn's sound?
Let me preface this by saying that old Korn fans, much like with every album they have released since Follow The Leader will do nothing but bitch about Korn changing their sound and how this album isn't nearly as good as the self titled one or Life is Peachy. Well, it's also not 1994. Flannel is no longer all the rage, Layne Stanley is 6 pushing up daisies, and Nu-Metal is now a subject of mockery rather than something to be excited about. Of COURSE they sound different. If you want an album that sounds like their self titled album, then listen to the self titled album. I hear that one sounds the most like it.
If the album is approached with an open mind, however, the results are very surprising and quite pleasant to listen to. The influence of electronica and the like is incredibly evident from the get go with the intro and the first real track "Starting Over". The sludge guitars and incessant slapping and popping on the bass are not gone, but they are definitely sharing the songs with other elements rather than overpowering them. Honestly, it's nice to see that Fieldy CAN do something other than pop and slap. There are still some characteristically heavy songs (almost reminiscent of Follow The Leader, just less 1990's) such as "Bitch We Got A Problem", and "Hold On", but the album is also full of little goodies that are almost a throwback to Depeche Mode's glory days (if they had a very very different singer anyway) such as "Kiss" and "Hushabye". The variety is really the saving grace of this album, as the truth of the matter is (for me anyway), Korn was starting to stagnate simply because the music felt like feeble attempts to recapture their fickle 90's fanbase. The second they let go of those trepidations though, they put out an album that I can really get behind and has held my attention fairly thoroughly for the past 2 days (which is quite a feat given how quickly I acquire new music).
It does give me pause to think about the future of the band though, as this album will probably alienate more fans than it brings in (since let's face it, metal fans and Korn fans in particular are incredibly picky and tend to be quite closed minded) and the rate at which members are departing after so much stability is somewhat alarming. However, it will be interesting to see whether or not Korn rises from the ashes stronger than before and can stand a chance at keeping metal relevant, or if they'll simply go the way of the dodo like so many of their contemporaries. I'd say this album gets a solid 8/10.
What is interesting to note is that, while Korn made it to 2005 without any lineup changes, since then they have lost a guitarist and much more recently their drummer. I hadn't heard about David Silveria leaving until after I bought the album, but it's true. Korn is essentially a three piece right now consisting of Jon, Fieldy, and Munky. Percussion on their latest album (cleverly titled Untitled) is handled by Jon Davis himself, a techno-ish trio called The Matrix, and perhaps most surprisingly, Brooks Wackerman from the one and only Bad Religion. So with all of these dynamic shifts, what pray tell has happened to Korn's sound?
Let me preface this by saying that old Korn fans, much like with every album they have released since Follow The Leader will do nothing but bitch about Korn changing their sound and how this album isn't nearly as good as the self titled one or Life is Peachy. Well, it's also not 1994. Flannel is no longer all the rage, Layne Stanley is 6 pushing up daisies, and Nu-Metal is now a subject of mockery rather than something to be excited about. Of COURSE they sound different. If you want an album that sounds like their self titled album, then listen to the self titled album. I hear that one sounds the most like it.
If the album is approached with an open mind, however, the results are very surprising and quite pleasant to listen to. The influence of electronica and the like is incredibly evident from the get go with the intro and the first real track "Starting Over". The sludge guitars and incessant slapping and popping on the bass are not gone, but they are definitely sharing the songs with other elements rather than overpowering them. Honestly, it's nice to see that Fieldy CAN do something other than pop and slap. There are still some characteristically heavy songs (almost reminiscent of Follow The Leader, just less 1990's) such as "Bitch We Got A Problem", and "Hold On", but the album is also full of little goodies that are almost a throwback to Depeche Mode's glory days (if they had a very very different singer anyway) such as "Kiss" and "Hushabye". The variety is really the saving grace of this album, as the truth of the matter is (for me anyway), Korn was starting to stagnate simply because the music felt like feeble attempts to recapture their fickle 90's fanbase. The second they let go of those trepidations though, they put out an album that I can really get behind and has held my attention fairly thoroughly for the past 2 days (which is quite a feat given how quickly I acquire new music).
It does give me pause to think about the future of the band though, as this album will probably alienate more fans than it brings in (since let's face it, metal fans and Korn fans in particular are incredibly picky and tend to be quite closed minded) and the rate at which members are departing after so much stability is somewhat alarming. However, it will be interesting to see whether or not Korn rises from the ashes stronger than before and can stand a chance at keeping metal relevant, or if they'll simply go the way of the dodo like so many of their contemporaries. I'd say this album gets a solid 8/10.
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