We Are Humongous Suckers

Those of you who know me know that I am someone who, on occasion, can appreciate some absolutely, completely, utterly shitty music simply because it is that special combination of hilarious and catchy. 3OH!3, Lady Gaga, "Right Round" by Flo Rida, these are all examples of such a phenomenon. And of course I would be remiss if I failed to mention Ke$ha.

Ke$ha is, in fact, probably the worst offender on the list. I mean, this girl is just awful. "Zip your lips like a padlock"? Fucking excuse me? And what precisely does it mean to wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy? Is this a phrase the kids are using now? Am I approaching cultural obsolescence? And of course, let us not forget the moment that she requests that the listener "put a little love in her glove box". Awful. This does not preclude her, however, from dominating my most played tracks on iTunes for the last month.

Anyway, I've had this theory for a while now that maybe Ke$ha is some kind of stardom super genius and is deliberately trying to see how much money she can make with as little effort or talent as possible, but simply by pushing every "trashy party" button in your brain at once. Last night's appearance on American Idol has finally given me the evidence I need. This girl MUST be fucking with us.

OK, so anyone who knows the real lyrics knows precisely how neutered that version was (which really doesn't help with making her sound less juvenile). Still though: OH MY GOD DID YOU FUCKING SEE THAT? WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? First off, the girl never actually fucking dances for a second of the video. Second, what in god's name was going on with those TV men? And the headress... the fucking HEADRESS! This girl must be playing the greatest practical joke in the history of the music industry, and we are all the suckers that just fell for it. At least that's what I have to tell myself.