My New Hobby

"Excuse me, do you have a minute for (gay rights/the environment/NAMBLA etc.)?"

If you live in New York, you know this routine well. Groups of people spread out over a block or two with clipboards asking you to sign a paper and give them money for changes to occur. Usually, headphones or a good ole 5 mile stare into the distance beyond them is enough to get you safely through this human labyrinth relatively undisturbed. However, as I left a campus meal hall today, I accidentally acknowledged one of these annoyance's existence. In doing so, however, I stumbled into a fun new game to play with these people, allowing you to both not have to listen to their long-winded, guild-inspiring speeches, and giving you that warm fuzzy feeling most people get from kind of acting like assholes. Here is how you play:

As you approach, make eye contact with them. Provide a subtle head nod or perhaps a moderately friendly smile to encourage them that they do in fact have your attention. In giving it some afterthought, this works best with nonverbal cues. Ideally they will start to approach you. Maintain eye contact. Continue to walk forwards and right as they are about to open their mouth, break eye contact and keep walking.

Some may say that this is just being a dick for being a dick's sake, and they're absolutely right. My view on the matter is this: If you claim to not get off on being an asshole to people that annoy you, you are a liar.