Descriptive Titles are for Suckers

I've reached a point where my posts tend to be so stream of consciousness based that it's almost pointless for me to put up a title. I guess one point to get out of the way for clarification: Allison and I recently broke up. I'm not thrilled about it, and It's weird adjusting to it, but in terms of breakups it's hard to imagine one more mutual. Gifts of booze in which to drown my sorrows can be brought to Broome 405. Just saying.

But moving away from the morose (lest this look like a friends only post on some 13 year old's myspace) we will now turn our thoughts to lighter fare, namely: music and stuff! There are a few things I've been wanting to talk about on here for a while, but felt that i really needed to give the albums their due listenings before I just shat out an opinion like so much...poop.

First up has been, while not quite a "Chinese Democracy" style wait, a long time in the making and that is Metallica's Death Magnetic. I know I'm not alone in saying that their last release (St. Anger) was probably the shittiest shit to ever be shat and the releases preceding it were terrible with maybe one good song apiece. So imagine my surprise when I start playing this album (that I of course legitimately purchased if Lars Ulrich happens to be reading this) and I mistakenly think I've started up And Justice For All. Apparently when Metallica went into the studio, Rick Rubin told them to write what they felt to be an "unreleased sequel to Master of Puppets" and in a sense that's precisely what the album feels like. Sure, there are a few forgettable tracks and they try (to little avail) to release a third track in "The Unforgiven" series (cleverly titled "The Unforgiven III" because when in doubt, just make the number higher), but when they are on holy FUCK are they on. James' voice hasn't aged particularly well and it's the only real complaint I have, but I also feel that I can't complain too much since your ability to sing will naturally be harder to maintain. This isn't the case with other instruments unless you suffer from debilitating arthritis or say, get crushed twice by a van. I hear that kind of kills your ability to perform well. Anyway, the album is definitely a return featuring chuggy but machine-like rhythms and awesome soloing. The lyrics are trash, but they always are. No one cares about the lyrics. The drums are...well, they're drums. At this point I'm just happy when Lars Ulrich shuts up and plays something that SOUNDS like drums. Master of Puppets it ain't, but it's definitely a step in the right direction. Lars Ulrich is still a total douche though. 7/10

Next on the docket is one of my most highly anticipated releases and that is from the almighty Slipknot. Everybody who was in to metal in the early 2000's definitely had a thing for Slipknot, and I am proud(?) to say that I probably put those motherfuckers to shame in what could only be described as adolescent idol worship. This album has been almost 5 years in the making and since then I've had plenty of time to stop giving a shit what the guys have been up to, and I'm only moderately sorry I did. Every track on this album picks from one of two settings: "awesome" and "stone sour b-side". I don't know if Corey Taylor is aware, but maybe someday he'll chance to read this post and he will hear me say this: The ONLY reason anyone listens to Stone Sour is that they're just biding time until you start doing Slipknot stuff again. I guarantee that if you started Stone Sour and never had anything to do with Slipknot, the act would be written off with the millions of other nu-metal casualties and abortions from 1998 or so till about 2003. People don't want to hear Stone Sour, it's simply a methadone for the heroin that is Slipknot kind of like A Perfect Circle is to Tool. My point is that if I wanted to hear Stone Sour, I want to hear it independently of the band I actually give a shit about. STOP SINGING LIKE THE TWO BANDS ARE INTERCHANGEABLE. I don't mind melody from Slipknot at all, but it has to sound like Slipknot, and they have a very distinct style. Enough bitching though. When the band is off, as illustrated above, they are OFF. When they are on, however, they have taken the Slipknot sound to a whole new level. Once again, the most notable improvement is Mick and James' guitar work, which really serves to showcase their ability. When not channeling Stone Sour, Corey sounds as raw and visceral as he did on Iowa and the songs are heavy enough to warrant a good solo-head bang while walking in public for no other reason than that you can't help it. 7/10