I am a big fat liar

Why am I a big fat liar, you ask? Well, remember how that last UNGODLY long post made mention that it would be a two parter? Well I was writing it at work and had every intention of putting up part two when I got home, but when I sat down at my computer, I forgot what else I was going to write about. Anyway, let's pretend I apologized for not updating for yet another month like anybody actually reads this fucking thing, and move rapidly onward.

Allison came out to visit towards the end of June. Ordinarily, I'd do the whole "my thoughts on Allison's visit" thing, but honestly, she was here for 2 weeks and we managed to do a lot of stuff. The point is, if you give a shit about what we did, ask me and I'll be happy to fill you in. Anyway, she's gone back to Baltimore now, leaving me a sad and lonely Michael until the end of August when i finally get to go back to New York. Just roughly 40 days or so...

Anyway, I just wanted to ramble about a few things that have caught my interest of late, so here we go. First up is the new Guitar Hero for DS. It's called Guitar Hero: On Tour, but I refuse to call it that largely because that title is a lie. Were one to take this game on tour and play it in places where a DS is the handiest (long car rides, plane flights, etc.) the people stuck next to you would put up with the incessant clicking and tapping for probably 5 minutes if you're lucky before they ram your snazzy guitar pick/stylus through your eyeball. Point is, it is impossible to play this game unobtrusively. You will convulse in rhythm with the song as you take sweeping hacks at the touch screen (which seems to just decide to stop registering that you're strumming at random, particularly on "Breed" by Nirvana) and the buttons make that obnoxious click that the guitar hero controllers are known for. Still, if you overlook the fact that there is literally no reason to have this game released for a handheld system, it's pretty fun. The songs are pretty good for the most part and the controller attachment (which plugs into the GBA slot on the bottom) is fairly intuitive. Strumming takes a few songs to really master, but (at least when it feels like working) becomes pretty ok. I'm just kind of annoyed that, as I said, there was no reason for this game to come out on DS. Just release another expansion like they did with "Rocks the 80's". It'll be less hard on our wrists (and I assure you, should you procure this game, that if you do not abide by the "take a break every 15 minutes" warning they give, you will develop arthritis before you beat it on easy). The kicker is that I would not be surprised at all if this shit wound up getting ported to something else anyway. I don't know, it's probably too early to tell.

I do have one huge gaping fucking qualm with the game though. Items in the store are locked. Not just special "you have to beat the game on hard or whatever" kinds of items either. Literally every item in the store is locked and has some arbitrary requirement to unlock it. Ordinarily I don't really mind unlockable content, but this is special because half of the things are unlocked by playing on easy and medium. Now I'm all for easing people into the difficulty curve of a game, but this is guitar hero. It's been out for a while and a lot of us may already be pretty fucking good at it. So I will say this in all capitals for emphasis: STOP MAKING ME FUCKING PLAY THE FUCKING GAME ON EASY AND MEDIUM. I HAVEN'T PLAYED THE FUCKING GAME ON EASY OR MEDIUM SINCE I GOT THE FIRST FUCKING GUITAR HERO GAME ALMOST 2 FUCKING YEARS AGO. GOING BACK TO PLAY EVERY SONG I'VE ALREADY PROVEN I CAN BEAT ON EXPERT ON EASY IS FUCKING INSULTING AND IT TURNS THE GAME INTO A CHORE. Ok, capslock off. So yeah, that's my major gripe...

This allows me to segue rather nicely to this announcement for Rock Band deuce. I'll give you a minute to read it. Done? Alrighty then. Does this game not look like the second coming? I swear it's almost enough to make the 200$ price tag seem worth it. Scratch that, I'd probably pay 3 and still feel like I was getting a hell of a bargain. Seriously, it sounds like with the attachment of just a few peripherals, this game could also become a combination blender/cuisinart.

Alright, that's all I've got for the time being. Keep it real, stay fresh, sick, and/or tight.