Before I begin my tirade, I will point out that, while I do generalize, I'm sure there are some voice majors who don't fit these blanket statements, I don't need to get inundated with comments like "fuck you, you just wish you were as good as I am you political science cocksucker." I'm talking in terms of vague generalizations, not in terms of the individual, so before you start whining, don't.
Since I work for Steinhardt's music and performing arts professions office, vocal studies majors are a rather large part of my life and, thusly I have slowly but surely come to loathe nearly everything about them. In fact, on Mondays and Tuesdays, I'm over at the Lafayette building on the 4th floor where, you guessed it, they all have their classes and lessons. Suffice to say, I see a lot of them. So what's not to like about these charming and talented individuals? Allow me to elucidate:
1) The guys and the fag-hags that follow them. You know what I'm talking about. The ones that put on the really effeminate demeanor but are probably straight. Then the girls who follow them like mindless, vapid harpies who think that they're "just like one of the girls ZOMG!!!111oneoneone". I'm a pretty animated speaker (as most of you know), but these motherfuckers put me to shame. Stop flopping your wrists around for 5 fucking seconds and maybe you assholes won't get carpal tunnel from carrying on basic conversations. Also, every sentence does not need to begin with "oh my god, so...". We get it. You're a teenage girl. Shut the fuck up now.
2) They are all under the impression that I want to hear them sing. Listen, you're all going to school to sing, so I'm sure your voices are lovely, but while I am filing a seemingly endless supply of private lesson request forms, the last thing I want to hear is endless belting of Rent songs, the same 3 songs from wicked again and again and again, or really just whatever showtune kick you're currently on. When you're in your lessons, your classes, or someplace that isn't a public office, go fucking nuts. When you're in a place where actual work needs to be done, leave the showtunes to the professionals and put a goddamn sock in it for 5 fucking minutes until you're not in the building anymore.
3) They are spoiled brats. See, when I'm working in the Lafayette building, I'm on the 4th floor (the top). There is a single control for the AC for the entire goddamned floor (which in and of itself is just stupid, but I digress). That means if one room doesn't want AC, the whole floor doesn't get AC. Apparently, in one of the rooms, the air conditioning is just too darned loud, so they whine and their professor gets us to turn off the AC. It is mid-September and by no means cold in New York, so picture the scene: I'm at a desk by the window (where the sun shines through, especially towards the end of my shift) and the AC hasn't been running basically all day. Why? because the vocal studies majors might actually have to shut their traps and LISTEN instead of adding their jabber to the noise of the room, then complaining that they can't hear. And please, if I can hear every fucking room on the floor from my desk, even though their doors are shut, I simply find it impossible to believe that the AC could be so loud that they need to turn it off. This isn't policy for the whole building. 3rd floor is the jazz department, and they get AC. Why? because the jazz majors (even though many of them are severely ADD, which you kind of have to be to do jazz right) aren't whiny, spoiled, effeminate little shits.
Thank god I get out of here in 20 minutes. Any more than that and I might just melt into this chair. Then a class would get out and I'd hear the vocal studies majors start to sing "One Song Glory" and it would reverberate the jelly that used to be my body into an explosion of catastrophic proportions that would shower my work station in my remains. Then one of the boys would flail his arms and whine about how "oh my god, he TOTALLY ruined my khakis!"
Monday, September 17, 2007
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
